Life can be so ironic at times. It gives you a chance to hear the words you wished so intensely to hear, but now the timing isn’t right, and they can’t make you happy.

I received a very good offer at work, the one that you can’t resist, the one that would have really made me happy couple months ago. And I do not even feel that I deserve it. I haven’t been working with my full strength recently. Just did what it takes to get things done in the fastest and most efficient way to have more time for myself and my own little projects. Not working with my full efforts as I usually do, not giving all my thoughts, time and attention to my assignments as it has always been. I don’t enjoy what I’m doing. Everything is too easy. There is no challenge in the tasks that my work can bring, but somehow I get things done without any efforts or putting too much thought into it. I’m good even not intending to be good at what I’m doing, even not thinking well and straight occupied by other things, almost constantly distracted. Better than most of the people would ever be in their full concentration.

Now feel the full irony in this situation. If only I heard this offer several months ago! I would have been so enthusiastic and energetic. All I want to do now is disappear somewhere in Italy, dissolve in the crowd of unknown people and study Art as I always wanted to. Not that I’m free to go there now but I do not wish to do it any less in spite of this fact. Standing at another crossroads. Again.